Fakafon reads a terrible book

Okay, the title of the post is misleading but... hear me out.

I found a game in the bargain bin ( also known as trash can ) called Avencast. You never heard about it, I never heard about it and frankly, if anyone knows what ClockStone is, wow.

Anyway this game opens up with fancy still pictures of a man telling a story about another dude ( okay? ) who's name doesn't exist. That other dude was his apprentice and you play as him! And WADDYA KNOW, you start the game ASLEEP IN YOUR CLASS.

Man, I can SMELL the adventure ladies and feathermen!

Of course, not being a Harry Potter knockoff at all, you must roam aroud the halls of Not Hogwarths looking for seals of... something to get to your final exam. To find these seals, you must fight rats and spiders.

.

And of course, these rats are fucking murderous, wanting to chew the flesh out of your feet. Those fucking sneaky bastards even hide in the bathroom!

So yeah... I'll tell more about the game as I go on. Now I'm supposed to go to a crypt because my teacher is the biggest asshole in the world. I'll keep you updated.

Hey hey, me again.

I got killed by animate tree branches.






I

got killed

by ANIMATE

tree branches.











Y'know, this game is really good. It truly is.

I think this game is getting freaking whack on me. The protagonist is a white guy, but for some reason, when I'm walking down a particular corridor, he becomes bald and black.

Also, the navigation is dreadful in this game. You ain't never seen somethin' like-a this, I garontee.

lol

ROCKSTER wrote:

lol

No, sir.

HOOOKAY, now I'm fighting skeletons that shoot skelton heads out of their fists, I'm capturing pink dinosaurs... dragon thingies with miniature trains AND I'm cooling down pots containing miniature fire dwarves.

I want my 20 bucks back.

M'kay, so I kept playing a little ( emphasis on little ) and I think this game is trying to create some kind of Diablo 2 feeling, with guitaresque creepy music and leveling system that's similar. You can get some new spells and all, upgrade your stats and equip new items.

The spells you have are divided into 2 . Since I don't have the english version, I'll call them KUNG FU and FRENCH. The kung fu magic is everything that helps your guy fight in close combat. Because he's a mage. And mages kick ass with staves in close combats.

Yeah...

French magic is everything from afar. Like fire walls, paralisys, etc. Problem is, your kung fu is A : better and B : more fun.

But all of my magic spells PALE, and I mean PALE in comparison to my mysterious horsefish looking item. This item of incredible strengh ( given to you for free, not even having to complete a quest ) shoots really strong ice out of your hand, killing an enemy in 3 blows instead of ... oh say 20.

It doesn't cost anything to use, I have unlimited use, it never breaks.

My mage sucks. Go horsefish!

I've come across a riddle. I must write down the name of a magician while I walk on letter tiles ( kinda like indiana jones 2 ). Except... The riddle is french, but the answer is in english!



That is ONE good way to increase challenge!

does it tell u to answer in english? or was it like parlais vous francais? a. fathero b. papa o c. daddy o or d. pere o

pere is french for dad right? mere is mother... gahh 2 years of french class didnt teach me shit

Well it went like this : The answer to the riddle was the magician's name and title. HOWEVER, his title was not the same in ENGLISH, so I had to GUESS what his fucking title was! And of course, being a well translated game, it wasn't AT ALL the same word as french.

Anyway, I continued further on only to be assaulted by air diving ghosts and puking ghosts. Where's the proton pack when you need one? These guys take several hits to kill but THEY can kill me in 2 shots.

Yay.

And of course, I have no means of healing myself except my natural regeneration, but since I'm not Wolverine, it takes mucho time!

And after ALL that, I get to the boss! El Skeleto Spammerimo Grande. It's a huge skeleton with a huge health bar who summons skeletons ALL THE TIME and spams his attacks like CRAZY! If I move I die. If I stay still I die. If I try to kill his minions, they respawn IMMIDIATELY and I die.

Why am I the only idiot in this game who ain't undead?

just pull out ur holy symbol and be like "the power of christ compels u!" it works for me when i kill skeletons/zombies

I tried that, but they were all Atheist skeletons -_-

No, what I had to do was roll around for about 10 minutes shooting those really weak spells at him until he finaly died. Then you burn his corpse. And then the guy who gave you the quest is like : Well, la dee da.

FUCK YOU!

lol fakon, u make me laugh. did u try the michael jackson zombie impression? i heard they go for that as well

So, now that I have finished all quests, I can finaly move on to my final exams. Entering a cave and fighting flies.

That kill me.

Tree branches and flies man... you don't FUCK with them! Anyway, once I got passed the flies, I was faced with CRISTAL CRABS! But those fuckers are nuffin' next to the mighty FLIES! After forcing them to watch a twilight movie, I proceed to get killed by... FEROCIOUS FLIES! We're not bullshitting around anymore here!

And then in a funny twist of fate, I load up my old game instead of saving.

yaaay

OMFG i played this game it's old but rocks!!

Seriously? You think it's good? Well, honestly, I think it's BAD man = |

But since I bought it, I might as well play it. There's one thing I think is cool though.






















Uh...









You uh...




Yeah, I'll get back to you on that = )

Yeah okay, the fact that every pice of your armor appears on your character, that's cool. Uh the ennemies, while being stupid, are at least varied. The dialogues are in english even though my game is french, go figure...

And lastly, it's challenging. And that,s a good thing.

wait wait wait. i thought u were making up this whole thing XD.

Fathero wrote:

wait wait wait. i thought u were making up this whole thing XD.

Lol he doesn't have that imagination for that he only draws mario things and owls things

Jinzo is right. My imagination is about as stale as a 5 weeks old doritos.

But let's keep the game goin'. After defeating those horrible man-eating flies, I became the Lord Of the Flies and wrote a novel whilst hollywood made a movie adaptation.

After that, I was confronted with a Spider Queen that had WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much health points and could kill me in one shot. Luckily for me, she's an IDIOT so her attacks are easy to dodge. In fact, she was so much of an idiot that I could never kill her.

Seriously.

She lagged inside a wall and could never get out of there. That's 15 minutes of gameplay I'll never get back.

Anyway, later on, I fight a giant crystal crab. After pulling a lever, thereby defeating it ( exciting boss fight, trust me -_- ), I move on to get confronted by golems who spam rocks from their asses apparently and kill me in 2-3 shots. My magic is so ridiculously weak agaisnt them that I have no choice but to get mad, die and quit the game.

Fakafon wrote:

Jinzo is right. My imagination is about as stale as a 5 weeks old doritos.

But let's keep the game goin'. After defeating those horrible man-eating flies, I became the Lord Of the Flies and wrote a novel whilst hollywood made a movie adaptation.

After that, I was confronted with a Spider Queen that had WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much health points and could kill me in one shot. Luckily for me, she's an IDIOT so her attacks are easy to dodge. In fact, she was so much of an idiot that I could never kill her.

Seriously.

She lagged inside a wall and could never get out of there. That's 15 minutes of gameplay I'll never get back.

Anyway, later on, I fight a giant crystal crab. After pulling a lever, thereby defeating it ( exciting boss fight, trust me -_- ), I move on to get confronted by golems who spam rocks from their asses apparently and kill me in 2-3 shots. My magic is so ridiculously weak agaisnt them that I have no choice but to get mad, die and quit the game.

LOL!!! die in game no?

HOKAY, SO! After about an HOUR of me doing PEW PEW PEW at rock golems, I finaly find myself trapped in a MAZE!

But there's a map, so I solved it in like... 3 minutes.

But then! A boss appears! A giant incredible Timewatesalot! He hit me... I think once, because I wanted to see how much damage he did ( Which was close to nuffin' ). So, like all big golems, he just took a LOT of abuse, but eventualy I kill him and get a giant super crystal of power that enhances my magic. Woot!

Oops, while I was gone, the whole academy has gone to shit and has been destroyed. Thank god there were ALL MAGES inside because it could've ... y'know, helped protect the academy?

So all hell broke loose, demons everywhere, french mages hiding somehwere in a library and me standing like an idiot wondering who the fuck would attack a academy FULL OF MAGES? And somehow COMPLETELY WIN?

Stay tuned for more.

One last thing, I got a glowing staff now = )

might try this.

Man, is this game really that retarded? Lol