Fakafon reads a terrible book

Desolate wrote:

Man, is this game really that retarded? Lol

Yes but it's cool at the same time

It sounds like Dungeons and Dragons, if I am remembering it right, isn't that the game where you are a wizard and cast spells and all that retarded shit?

something like that but You can See the pieces of your armor AWESOME

Alright, I've decided to post pictures of the game so everyone can better see just what the hell I'm talking about.



Hi! I'm not Harry Potter!






Tree branches! To greatest threat to humanity!






Indiana Jones' got nuffin' on this puzzle!






Unbeknownst to everyone, Harry Potter is a featureless faced black man.






I love you, you love me...






Solve my ''maze'', Superman!

Okay, you're gonna love this.

So after the academy gets attacked by legion of demonic demons, all the mages get cooped up in a small room and they all ask ME to go save the world.

Hey, FUCK you man! How about YOU do it ya fucking chicken wusses?

But, being the good natured dullhead that my character is, he's all like OKAY! I, the disciple who is probably less strong than more than half the people here, will send out, ALONE, to find some mystical key while I fight the demons who SLAUGHTERED THE WHOLE ACADEMY!

Mages are SMART man!

And get this : In the cinematic where we see the academy getting destroyed, my character gets chased down by demonic wolves. But once I get out, no wolves. Just flying demons and... I dunno, posessed idiots.

Story telling 101 : CONSISTENCY!

EDIT : I forgot something. At some point during my battles, I find a quest item which a staff. When I bring it back to the head...something, he tells me that it belongs to a powerful demon sorcerer which we all thought would be gone forever! There were rumors of him coming back, but eeeeveryone ignored it. His name was VOLDEM... I meant, uh... Oragath. Or something.

Remember kids, this game does not rip off Harry Potter.

At all.

Why does that say "RAM"

It stands for REALLY AWESOME MAGICIAN, which is the puzzle's solution = )



Oh of course not! It's because I'm a beast in bed!

But enough about innuendos. As I explored the magnificent halls of my burned down academy, I stumbled upon a group of young... I was about to say magician, but they're about as magic as I am Portuguese!

Anyway, these poor souls are lost and need to be escorted back to wherever the hell it is everyone's hiding. SO, escort mission.

A really

really

hard one.

See, I've finaly figured out why the academy full of wizards and sorcerers put up a really freaking weak defense agaisnt the demons. THEY HAVE NO SENSE OF SURVIVAL! I mean Hyesus CurRIST almighty man! All they do is follow me like mindless droning sheeps, not attacking, not defending, nothing! And when they get hit, THEY JUST TAKE IT! They don't move, dodge or make ANY attempt to STAY ALIVE whatsoever! Those guys are the worse fucking dumasses in the history of video games!

Oh and you gotta love this : they die in one hit.

So did I succeed the mission?





Are you high? I have like 3 miles of corridor to clear before getting to the rendez vous point! And ennemies respawn! WHAT THE F...

Looks like wow...cheap skate.

You know that feeling? That weird... awe inspiring deception feeling? Like... you were about to see the greatest movie of your life! It was free! Free candies and chocolates were served and people would give you massages!

But then you fucking wake up?

What I'm getting at is... I was GENUINLY stuck in this game! There was a puzzle involving mirrors and lasers and it took me a while to figure out! I was excited, I had to THINK!

Too MUCH though, because that f-ajeopr54q5q#$%$ puzzle was a no brainer. Point this on that and BOOM the puzzle is done.

AND YET for like AN HOUR I was trying to figure out what the fuck I needed to do! Because there were no instructions! And the hints were the vaguest pieces of shit you've ever seen! I thought I had stumbled onto a real, hard puzzle! But BULLSHITE!

WOOHOO! I got an ice minigun!










I'm still pissed at the puzzle though!

How is a maze that bad when....YOU HAVE A MINIMAP IN THE TOP RIGHT!?

Desolate wrote:

How is a maze that bad when....YOU HAVE A MINIMAP IN THE TOP RIGHT!?

Trust me, it can still be a tad confusing even considering the minimap.

The ice minigun SUCKS! Everyone tough is immuned to ice, or close to. Only the little creeps get affected, but I already kick their ass simply by looking at 'em!

Anyway, as I pursued on, I had to capture the purple dinosaur thingy aGAIN! This time though, all I had to do was whack the living daylight out of him until he was ''unconscious''. After that, some dude told me to go find his staff. So I did. No obstacles, no problem.

Then, el big cheese of mages who's like... poisoned with nothing I guess, tells me to go somewhere and vanquish some evil dude! Surely enough, my guy being the most pushover man in the universe, he accepts!

And then I get jumped by 15 ennemies and die.

Weeee!

The good news is, I killed 2 of 'em!

After getting gang raped by evil demons for 10 times, I realised something.

zen.

I have achieved zen.

It doesn't bother me anymore.

It's not important.

Tra la la la la.

Step on a crack, break your mother's back.




Wait what the hell?

Well, this is pretty much where the book ends. After I defeated the ONSLAUGHT of swarming crazy ass super strong resistant annoying screeching goblin like ennemies, I encountered... BUUUGS!


BUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGS!

And then after that, the game crashes. Always. So there's no way for me to keep going. And YES, I DID try several times to fix this problem, no dice. I think most of the time I managed to make things worse, by not even being able to get passed the little game companies logos at the beggining.

So I hope you liked that story, if not, I made a short movie of the game. Check it out = )